I don't want to be alive but I don't want to die either?

I'm a 15 year old male. I go to high school. I'm an "Honors" student but I get mediocre grades and I'm barely passing any of my classes. I don't have the ambition to put forth effort into my work. I have no motivation. My parents are worried about my grades and even with my horrible grades they think I can still get into a prestigious college. What I joke. I gave up on that the minute I came into high school. I aspired to become a neurosurgeon but that goal seems so far out of place I've given up. I have no friends. I feel no one will listen to my problems with an open mind. Whenever someone does give me advice, I feel it's not substantial or it's just something I'd rather not acknowledge. I chose to be lonely and be by myself all the time because I just can't trust anyone. People's B.S. and stupidity make me want to be alone all the time. I want to know what this feeling is? The feeling of not wanting to live but at the same time wanting to stay alive for no apparent reason. I feel everything is so vapid and insignificant. I just don't know what to do anymore.